My freshman year of high school I took a technology class, and one of our assignments was coding a website. Before this, in middle school and beforehand, I was writing poetry. Instead of eating lunch with everyone else, because I didn't feel very close to any of my classmates, I would sit in the girls locker room and write poetry. I think from doing that I improved my skills and got a lot of my feelings out in the open. It was a way to communicate when I felt so small and isolated, edgy as it may or may not be now. I had pages and pages of poetry, and it used to be on a Google Doc before I printed them out and deleted it in 2026.
For that assignment, I wanted to make something different. I think in high school I was always trying to make something different, cool, and a little spooky, because I went to a mostly white Christian school and a lot of...well, everything felt watered down and the same. I think it was because I wanted someone to notice what I was going through. I wanted someone to see me. For that assignment I made a black website with links taking you to 6 different poems that I wrote. It was definitely edgy, but I think I got a good grade. I was, and still am proud of it, in a way, even though I can't access it today, (I don't even remember the domain,) this section of my website is paying omage to that. Younger me, I see you. I hope that you can see me too through these poems, and appreciate the feelings I want to put out into the world.
Not every poem will be on here, as I am writing a book, which I will link here if/when I finish, but consider this page the behind the scenes/extras.
Tears trickle down left over from the thick pillows nailed in my head.
Humidity flows through my veins with the blood from each breath.
I can't see through my glasses
I'm in some misty dream where sleep, illusion and reality are muddled together like mixed play doh.
I wish to sleep but my back has aching strings that drag my through a ghostly state.
I cannot sleep. My thoughts seem to come back and haunt me, more vividly than in the day.
So I continue on.
A soft waltz.
Lights in the rain.
A slow motion whirlwind
Sometimes I think if I close my eyes now I will never wake.
Events pass.
Friends laughter fades into an eerie, surrounding echo.
I still feel quieter.
Every day when I walk to school
When I get there
Josh is always sitting in a chair
I never asked him why he gets to school so early
Or why he slouches
But if everything in my life crumbles
Somehow I feel I can have a comfort in knowing
That Josh will always be in that chair
It was told all its life that it couldn't fly
That climbing a water spout wouldn't do diddly.
But it knew it could.
It knew it could go farther than that old spout.
So it spun a web and soon within
Caught a creature of such elegance,
Such beauty, it was brought to tears.
Its multicolored dress feathered around the creature's slim form innocently
As if a descendant from the sky.
But it scoffed at the spider, saying,
"How is it that I should die such a grotesque death?"
"Why, I am beautiful. And you are a pig who deserves to die."
The spider laughed at its ignorance.
But a small question lingered on the back of its mind
'Am I worthy of this life?'
'Can I do what I know I could, if I had wings?'
'If I could go past this dumb old spout?'
His fears soon melted
When he saw it from the clouds
A rusty speck, barely visible
And the beautiful sun
On a pair of kaleidoscopic wings.